At an already slender 5'9" I towered over my new coworker in my patent leather pumps. The twill pencil skirt's bottom met at my knees and shaped itself upwards hugging the little rump motherhood had blessed me with. My waist showed no signs of child bearing, and with the right bra I was 'head high' nipples to the sky.
"Do you mind if we met my mom in the cafeteria?" my coworker asked me. We were on our morning break, and I was hungry anyway. (OMG, I so remember the cheese grits, bacon and eggs I would get every morning religiously)!!!
Her name's Stacey by the way. I didn't know her that well back then, but like how some good friendships goes, she and I have that story, and she's one of my favorite people.
[Ok...staying on topic from here on out...]
We met up with Stacey's mom. (I still call her Stacey's Mom present day.) haha
"Hey girls, how's everything?" she asked. And I can't remember what we said or how the rest of the conversation went. I'm sure we talked about how the first couple of days had gone, and all that jazz, but most importantly I do remember this:
She said something that I will never forget, and I've even joked with Stacey about how her mom jinxed me years ago, as it was the start of a new epidemic in my life, and over the next five years, I wouldn't even know what hit me until I come to grips with myself, and face the reality that something needs to change.
She said to both of us, "Take a good look at that I.D. picture."
I just laughed. (The kind of laugh you do when you really don't know what the other person is talking about, but you don't want to be all awkward and ask). I mean, I looked a little drowsy in the pic, and I think my lazy eye showed but aside from that I was alright lookin'
"No really," she continued. "Take a good look at that I.D. now, cause working here, I'm telling you." And then it was her turn to laugh. I still didn't get it, but I laughed again anyway.
"You won't look like that a few months from now," she explained. "Pot lucks, and lunching out will have you looking good and hefty."
We all laughed then, but I still wasn't buying it.
Pshh, I was ALWAYS slim. ALWAYS. My whole life was about being tall, being slim, being Brittanie. I had a baby and all and still bounced back.
I figured that was our humor for the morning. Stacey's Mom is such a sweet lady.
And besides, I felt alright about myself that day.
New Job and Good Feels (-:
September 2011
Five
years
later…
I was hoping like crazy that my boyfriend didn't ask to see my new passport picture. Traveling outside of the country for the first time was supposed to be exciting. The same 'Good Feels' when I was employed at Palmetto GBA.
Man, has it really been five years since then?
The only thing I could think about was how fat I was going to look when we traveled to the Dominican Republic. How uncomfortable I was going to feel with that damn waist trainer, and how many pictures I would have to get the right angle that didn't show the roundness in my face and the belly that succeeded over time.
What. The. Hell. Happened?
I didn't take heed man.
I did not Take. Heed.
Stacey's Mom had given the warning, and it didn't mean a thing to me as I over indulged in potlucks, holiday gatherings, weekend take-outs, and weekday fast food.
Man, I've been horrible, and it's all caught up to me.
I reached my heaviest, and though I've managed to lose some of it, I still have a ways to go. There are still improvements to be made in my lifestyle, my thinking, and the dedication I have to taking charge of my life, my health, and my happiness.
I just want to feel liberated.
New Life and Good Feels.
The Weight Is Over
I decided a few months ago that this can't and won't be life. The first step is faith, and claiming it. ALL OF IT. Because self care becomes so evident as you're adulting, and I love me enough to make the necessary changes.
How about you?
Because I've also decided that this is a journey that I'm Going to share. #MyFatDiary is a new blog feature that'll follow me from now to a newer, happier, healthier me.
I know there are people out there that are just like me. We want it, but just not sure where to start. We fantasize over what could be and spend endless amount of time looking at other peoples' progress.
Staying motivated is harrrrrrrrd. I'll be the first to admit that, but hey...this doesn't have to be the end of the story.
I invite you to share your story, to check on me whenever you want, cause there will be progress(-: Start with what you have and win the battle everyday. #MyFatDiary
